(Open scene with kids all sitting down in a classroom like setting.)
God: All right, before you go, I have an assignment for you tonight, my angels. I want you to create a new animal for plant Earth. (Muttering) I don't have time to do it all, you know.
Class: All right Mr. God.
(Scene changes to a college game/common room. A pair of boys are on the couch with red cups on a table next to them and a pair of girls are at a table with coffee. Spotlight on the guys.)
Michael: Dude what should we create for our final project?
Gabriel:(Taking a sip from one cup) I don’t know, man. Just remember it’s going to end up on Earth.
Michael: Yeah… (They sit in silence for a minute, fidgeting around and squirming on the couch in “thinking positions.”) This is haaaaard.
Gabriel: I know but we put it off and it’s due in (He checks his watch) like, five hours.
Michael: It’s three in the morning? (Michael nods.) Uggghhhh I want to go to bed.
Gabriel:So do I so lets get this thing done.
Michael:(He sighs) Fine.
(They start to do more “thinking positions” while drinking from their cups. Lights up on the girls.)
Cass:(Yawns) All right so how much do we have done?
Muriel:(Yawns also.) Um, it's a small mammal with fur that comes in a lot of neutral-ish colors like gray, white, black, tan, stuff like that.
Cass: All right, that's a pretty good start. I bet we're farther along than them. (She gestures to Michael and Gabriel.)
(Lights come up during Michael's line.)
Michael: I’VE GOT IT!
Gabriel: What’s your idea?
Michael: Okay so we make it a mammal, right? Except it lays eggs!
(Lights back up on the girls. They both take sips of coffee.)
Muriel: Ok, so we have that much. What now?
Cass: Well we want it cute, right?
Muriel: Of course.
Cass: Well lets give it a little pink nose that twitches.
Muriel: That's not cute, that's adorable!
(Lights back on the boys.)
Gabriel: Bro, I had another idea.
Michael: Lay it on me, Gabe!
Gabriel: Let’s give it a beaver tail.
Michael: And a duckbill!
Gabriel: Yes!! (He starts to furiously scribble things down on his notebook.)
(Back to the girls.)
Cass: So it's going to eat carrots and lettuce, right?
Muriel: Yeah, and have adorable buck teeth and a busy tail.
Cass: We're so getting an A.
(Lights on Michael and Gabriel.)
Gabriel: What if it’s poisonous?
Michael: Why not?
Gabriel: Okay, we need one more thing.
Michael: Hm… (Thinking positions continue. Guy one takes a big swig from his cup and puts it down. His eyes widened. He whispers the next line.) I’ve got it.
Gabriel: Huh?
Michael: Let’s make it sweat milk.
Gabriel: SWEET. What should we call it?
Michael: Uh… how about… a platypus!
Gabriel: Excellent! This is wicked!
Michael: And just to piss people off we'll make the plural platypuses and not platypi!
Gabriel: Bro you're a genius!
Michael: Bro!
Gabriel: Bro!
(The “Bro!”s continue with them doing weird guy stuff. Lights on the girls. The "bros" are quieter so you can hear Cass and Muriel.)
Muriel: Those guys are so annoying.
Cass: Tell me about it. I'm surprised they even tried to finish the project.
Muriel: Anyways, all we need now is a name for it. I was thinking rabbit?
Cass: More adorable.
Muriel: Ok, bunny rabbit?
Cass: Perfect.
(Back to classroom setting. Cass, Muriel, Michael, and Gabe are at the front of the class presenting their creations.)
Cass:(She hands him the paper with their design.) We think it will be a wonderful and cuddly addition to Earth.
God:(Sighs.) It's nice girls, but not very original. The highest I can give you is a B. (Cass and Muriel are astounded.)
Cass:(Whispering to Muriel.) If we got a B, there's no way those dimwits even passed.
Gabriel: Here's our assignment, Mr. God! (He hands God the paper. God looks it over, wide-eyed.)
God: This is so absurd and different! (Cass smirks.) I love it! A-pluses for you both.
(Cass and Muriel are shocked and appalled. The boys hi-five.)
By Emma Shannon
(Open scene with kids all sitting down in a classroom like setting.)
God: All right, before you go, I have an assignment for you tonight, my angels. I want you to create a new animal for plant Earth. (Muttering) I don't have time to do it all, you know.
Class: All right Mr. God.
(Scene changes to a college game/common room. A pair of boys are on the couch with red cups on a table next to them and a pair of girls are at a table with coffee. Spotlight on the guys.)
Michael: Dude what should we create for our final project?
Gabriel: (Taking a sip from one cup) I don’t know, man. Just remember it’s going to end up on Earth.
Michael: Yeah… (They sit in silence for a minute, fidgeting around and squirming on the couch in “thinking positions.”) This is haaaaard.
Gabriel: I know but we put it off and it’s due in (He checks his watch) like, five hours.
Michael: It’s three in the morning? (Michael nods.) Uggghhhh I want to go to bed.
Gabriel:So do I so lets get this thing done.
Michael: (He sighs) Fine.
(They start to do more “thinking positions” while drinking from their cups. Lights up on the girls.)
Cass: (Yawns) All right so how much do we have done?
Muriel: (Yawns also.) Um, it's a small mammal with fur that comes in a lot of neutral-ish colors like gray, white, black, tan, stuff like that.
Cass: All right, that's a pretty good start. I bet we're farther along than them. (She gestures to Michael and Gabriel.)
(Lights come up during Michael's line.)
Michael: I’VE GOT IT!
Gabriel: What’s your idea?
Michael: Okay so we make it a mammal, right? Except it lays eggs!
Gabriel: Dude.
Michael: What? You don’t like it?
Gabriel: Dude. That’s freaking GENIUS. (They hi-five.)
(Lights back up on the girls. They both take sips of coffee.)
Muriel: Ok, so we have that much. What now?
Cass: Well we want it cute, right?
Muriel: Of course.
Cass: Well lets give it a little pink nose that twitches.
Muriel: That's not cute, that's adorable!
(Lights back on the boys.)
Gabriel: Bro, I had another idea.
Michael: Lay it on me, Gabe!
Gabriel: Let’s give it a beaver tail.
Michael: And a duckbill!
Gabriel: Yes!! (He starts to furiously scribble things down on his notebook.)
(Back to the girls.)
Cass: So it's going to eat carrots and lettuce, right?
Muriel: Yeah, and have adorable buck teeth and a busy tail.
Cass: We're so getting an A.
(Lights on Michael and Gabriel.)
Gabriel: What if it’s poisonous?
Michael: Why not?
Gabriel: Okay, we need one more thing.
Michael: Hm… (Thinking positions continue. Guy one takes a big swig from his cup and puts it down. His eyes widened. He whispers the next line.) I’ve got it.
Gabriel: Huh?
Michael: Let’s make it sweat milk.
Gabriel: SWEET. What should we call it?
Michael: Uh… how about… a platypus!
Gabriel: Excellent! This is wicked!
Michael: And just to piss people off we'll make the plural platypuses and not platypi!
Gabriel: Bro you're a genius!
Michael: Bro!
Gabriel: Bro!
(The “Bro!”s continue with them doing weird guy stuff. Lights on the girls. The "bros" are quieter so you can hear Cass and Muriel.)
Muriel: Those guys are so annoying.
Cass: Tell me about it. I'm surprised they even tried to finish the project.
Muriel: Anyways, all we need now is a name for it. I was thinking rabbit?
Cass: More adorable.
Muriel: Ok, bunny rabbit?
Cass: Perfect.
(Back to classroom setting. Cass, Muriel, Michael, and Gabe are at the front of the class presenting their creations.)
Cass: (She hands him the paper with their design.) We think it will be a wonderful and cuddly addition to Earth.
God: (Sighs.) It's nice girls, but not very original. The highest I can give you is a B. (Cass and Muriel are astounded.)
Cass: (Whispering to Muriel.) If we got a B, there's no way those dimwits even passed.
Gabriel: Here's our assignment, Mr. God! (He hands God the paper. God looks it over, wide-eyed.)
God: This is so absurd and different! (Cass smirks.) I love it! A-pluses for you both.
(Cass and Muriel are shocked and appalled. The boys hi-five.)
Michael and Gabriel: SWEET!
~fin~